Every parent or carer of pre-teen or teenage children will know that navigating this phase of school life is crucial for their learning, wellbeing and future.
But you'll have also seen your teenager experience rapid physical and emotional changes, which can be a lot for a young mind to handle.
These changes can prompt a lot of emotions that they haven't perhaps experienced before. Problems with schoolwork or friendships, low self-esteem or worries about particular lessons can make them want to avoid going to school.
But whatever the underlying issue, it is important to understand that these worries are usually a perfectly normal part of growing up. And that being in school can actually help to ease these emotions, while staying away can lead to bigger anxiety about returning.
You play a key role in whether your child attends school or not.
By working together – you, your teen and their school – you can help to ensure your teen feels supported and can continue to attend school.
Dr Sophie Mort, clinical psychologist and mental health expert, at Headspace says: ‘’It's understandable that children can resist going to school when anxieties are heightened and it's often hard for parents to know whether to allow them to stay at home or encourage them to feel the fear and go in anyway.
"Kids and teens frequently experience a lot of stress and feelings of high pressure, and in many cases don’t yet have the tools to understand or process these complex emotions. And whilst children are navigating the challenges of getting older, school can be a hard place to be both physically and mentally. Perhaps they’re becoming more conscious of their appearance, or of their different upbringings, or maybe they just see the world in a different way.
"Given these difficulties, it becomes imperative for both institutions and parents to equip themselves with the necessary tools to support children’s mental health at school and in their homes, focusing on safety and psychological support as a priority, before grades and academic outcomes.
"To do this, try listening over lecturing. The temptation is to impart what you feel are lessons learnt, often through the lens of things you wish you yourself had done better. Try giving them the space to speak openly about their experiences without judgement and offer compassion when they share how they feel. Instead of imposing certain activities on them, be curious as to their interests and skills and support them in that direction.’’
Tips for parents with a child suffering from mild anxiety
Learn that worries are normal
Everyone can experience feelings of anxiety to varying extents, and some much worse than others. It’s important to understand each person’s symptoms and responses to anxiety. Once you have an understanding of how they feel at specific moments, then can you start to help.
How to recognise your own worries
Being open and sharing experiences of when you have struggled in the past will ultimately help your children understand that they are not the only ones with these feelings, and therefore might find it easier to open up. Your anxiety can rub off on your children, so try to remain calm in the way you interact with them.
Utilise the resources at hand which can help ease feelings of worry
From books and online resources to apps and IRL support groups, there are so many resources at hand to check when you are looking for ways to best support your child. Your local bookshop can be a great place to start or search mental health websites such as Headspace, which has a number of free resources available online. The article titled ‘’How to beat school stress from the top down’’ is a great resource example. The Department for Education has collated a lot of these free resources in one place. You can access the Education Hub article here.
Try family meditation, mindfulness and breathing exercises
For those needing in-the-moment support, practising mindfulness or breathing exercises as a family can be effective. Both methods are proven to slow the heart rate and act as a calming mechanism. And this can be done from any place, at any time.
Take the pressure off
So many children feel pressure going to school, be it feeling that they need to be the most academic, best at sport, drama, or in the right social group. Try encouraging your child to stay in the present, rather than fearing the next day or week of school, or the next test. And most importantly, ensure that the home is a place of respite and support, rather than a source of more pressure.
Talk to the school
If you’re struggling, speak to your child’s school to seek support. The school will often be able to talk to you about particular things that might be worrying your teenager and work with both you and them to alleviate their worries and support them to attend.
Speak to a professional
If you or your child are struggling to cope with your symptoms which persist over several weeks, it's important to seek the help of a professional. Talking to your GP, talking treatments such as counselling, psychotherapy or cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can help you manage your symptoms.
Why it's important to keep your child's attendance high
Speaking about why having good attendance at school is so important, Steph Lewis, associate senior leader for Pastoral, Sacred Heart Catholic High School, said: "Seeing National attendance figures drop so significantly in the years following the pandemic has been a long-lasting, secondary effect of Covid-19.
"The uncertainty of lockdowns and restrictions, and time without friends, social interaction or daily structure, have created a generation of children who are still feeling understandably uncertain and anxious about their futures.
"Schools are very aware of the intricacies of mental health and the subsequent impact on attendance. It is the joint responsibility of all to ensure every child has the highest possible attendance. Every day really does matter.
"The six hours spent in an educational setting every day gives young people not only opportunities to learn but also routine, and social interactions with friends and teachers. Attending school every day prepares young people for their ‘next steps’, and ultimately, the world of work.
"Where there is a young person struggling to attend school regularly, the most important thing to do is to talk about the issue(s) with school as soon as possible. Schools have lots of resources available and can signpost families to additional support services tailored to individual needs.
"Getting in early is key when it comes to attendance. The earlier any anxiety is shared with the school, the sooner it can be addressed, the quicker tailored support, intervention and reasonable adjustments can be put in place. The underlying causes of absence must be uncovered by schools and families working together - communication between home and school is key, in order to address the wider challenges that are impacting attendance and the future of our children."
To find out more on how you can help your child with mild anxiety, click here.
